The Boganvillia Beach Fiasco

Homelife Crisis 3 Comments

So up here in Boganvillia, we have a beach, which we all know and love as the Foreshore.  Because…. that’s it’s name.  I was going to tell you exactly how long it is, in a very precise and researched kind of way.  All professional and everything.  (And more to the point, I am falling literally off the board in the Fitbit challenge board this week, after winning the trophy last week and clocking up over 45,000 steps in one day.  Obsessed? Much). So I needed to get in some serious steps this afternoon.

But then I got distracted by kid taxi duties and greening up the grass. ZOMG.  Let’s just leave the grass for another time, OK?  But as me and the Garmin were otherwise occupied, I will guesstimate the length of the Foreshore.  I know it’s not much longer than 800m – 1km, because Coach Zoey has had me run 800m intervals along there, and I ran out of tarmac.  (Zoey didn’t stipulate “run along the Foreshore” by the way – just that it had to be 800m).  Then there is some more beach, which carries on beyond where the tarmac runs out in a northerly direction.  But I digress.  This whole sorry saga only concerns the tarmaced areas.

So there we have it in all it’s glory: the Foreshore.  About a whole 1km.  Our little bit of waterfront.  The thing is, the Council, in their profound wisdom, have decided it needs a new name.  We are to be branded and relaunched and the Foreshore should be known henceforth as The Boganvillia Town Beach.  This is not a whim, they would have us believe, and reasons have been given why the change should take place:

  1. to make it easier for emergency services to identify the location of a casualty by naming the 2 car parks servicing the Foreshore as North Beach car park and South Beach car park
  2. tourism

Really?  Is that the best you’ve got?

As we have established, the Foreshore is approx. 1km from end to end.  And whilst I fully accept that response times are very important in an emergency, and there are buildings blocking access from one car park to the other, I don’t honestly believe that driving from one to the other car park, which is possibly a 1.5km (more-or-less traffic free) drive will endanger life too much, (even taking into account the traffic calming the Council has thoughtfully installed along the route to discourage the nocturnal hoon drivers).

AND I can’t really figure out why the beach name has to change to accommodate the naming of the car parks.  Wouldn’t North Foreshore and South Foreshore work just as well?

As for a poor tourist that looks on a map and sees that Boganvillia has a North and a South beach and books a holiday to this enticing seaside metropolis, well!  I foresee law suits.  That tourist is going to sue for misrepresentation under the Trade Descriptions Act (if that’s what it’s called in Aussie law).  What’s going on?  Do I scent a whiff of the Upper Middle Class Bogan syndrome here?  Has Hyacinth “Bucket – rhymes with Target” moved in?

Boganvillia is a great little town.  It’s the kind of friendly you won’t find in places that do have a North and a South Beach.  It’s the Cheers Bar of towns: because everyone knows your name.  It’s safe to walk and run the streets at night.  It’s a great place for kids to grow up. So stop with the lame excuses for a  tourism strategy Council.  Let’s go play to the our strengths and be happy to be who we are!!

Acknowledgements: Grateful thanks to Taz van Leeuwen for the Ranty Pants picture idea. Copying is indeed the sincerest form of flattery.  And to the maker of the image, apologies for shameless scaping.

Thank you for listening

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