Fairy fenders: a progress report

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So I guess you’re sitting by your computer anxiously awaiting updates on the progress of the vag-bollock? And it being a delicate subject, like literally delicate, I don’t suppose it’s really your typical conversational opener: how’s your hooha today? It’s not the sort of thing you write on your Facebook status either: Feeling – manly today. And as it’s a fairly one-off kind of injury, it’s probably not something that Hallmark have brought out a card for, yet. Besides, what would it actually say?

  • Congratulations on the arrival of your new testicle?
  • Wishing you a speedy reduction?

OK, so I guess that might all be a bit too weird. So, today’s progress report: let’s just say, it’s much better. Sitting, standing and walking are all activities I can engage in again.


The Fairy Fender

The Grumpster, being most caring and concerned, suggested (when he had controlled his laughter sufficiently to form sentences), that I need to invest in a Fairy Fender before I ride again. I pointed out that I’m not aware that they exist, so he has nominated it as a new venture; designing and marketing such a device! He’s such a toad darling.

As such a thing doesn’t yet exist, I looked into more natural ways to remedy the current situation. Not so much prevention. But right now, what I need is a cure.

But what I came across was a depressing list of foods that make inflammation worse. I say depressing because on the list of foods to avoid were:

  1. doughnuts
  2. bacon
  3. chips
  4. a second glass of wine.

All of which were high on my list of things that I felt might help my current woes!!! At least it didn’t list chocolate. (Always find something to be grateful for).

Zest for Life: a formula

The dilemma I have is that this is all taking a toll on my confidence.

My triathlon life has followed an arc familiar to most of my ventures.

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First I leap in, fuelled on 100% enthusiasm, after spending precisely zero seconds giving thought to anything that masquerades as a practicality.

Then, reality starts to unfold, at which point we move to a 75:25 enthusiasm to determination formulation. As doubts start to creep in, I push them aside with my determination buttress.

This usually changes to a 50:50 mix over time. As obstacles come along, I grow the determination buttress by adding a bit of skill/knowledge acquisition into the mix.

However, the frequency of recent biking incidents has contaminated my formula. I haven’t had time to add in the skill/knowledge potion, and doubt has accidentally got into my bottle of “zest for life”.


Zest for Life by torbakhopper

The excuse factory

My first drop of skill/knowledge solution was due to be poured in tomorrow, as I have booked into a cycling skills session.

Can’t come soon enough, I thought. Bring it on!!

Except now, it’s all coming too soon. I’ve got an issue with the “on”. I’m a bit doubtful about my ability to sit upon a saddle!

And I don’t quite know how to explain – directly – to a gentleman I’ve never met but have promised cash for teaching me the art of staying upright, that I have unfortunately acquired a vag-bollock which is interfering with my comfort on the machine. And that it isn’t just an excuse because I’ve suddenly changed my mind…

Because let’s face it, there is no evidence of this spurious injury that I am willing to produce!!!

Progress is not linear

This is one of my favourite lines. And I want to punch my own teeth out for writing it right now…

(Except I don’t want any further damage/pain: I don’t think it would be fair on the nurofen to make it whizz round my body trying to cope with an increase in the sites it has to alleviate).

My head knows that putting in the runs, swims, rides each week, and giving my best when I do them, will bring about improvement. I am trying to ensure that I include a variety of sessions, like speed and hills to build strength, and now I’m trying to swim with a squad so that I can get feedback on my technique.

But right now, I want to be presented with evidence of progress that is as sweet and cloying as an enormous (like really, really enormous) chocolate Easter egg.

So that I know the scrapes on my knee, and the discomfort I am feeling, is actually worth it.

And I am moving in the right direction.

Because I don’t want to find my progress is leading down the wrong track, either!!!!


But, as SwimBikeMom reminded me, just yesterday, eating my feelings won’t really provide the comfort I’m looking for. (Ha, just realised the link title for the article is “patience”).

Not a commodity that I have a lot of.

  • Enthusiasm: tick
  • Determination: tick
  • Patience: nope

But, triathlon is an endurance sport. So, I guess I must endure the discomfort that currently afflicts me. I need to have the confidence that it will come together. And have the patience to realise that I am gradually learning the skills I need to be safe (successful might be too bold a word) as a triathlete!

So, to anyone else that’s struggling a bit right now: keep tri-ing. xx

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