Oscar

About the author :

I am a dog. I spend my days training my huminions, ridding the world of birdies 1 bite at a time and looking for blankets to lie on. My struggle is real.

The Oscarmort Song

Doodles, Boo & OscarMort, too 1 Comment

Hello Huminions. Lord Oscarmort here.

Have you missed me? I expect you have. I can’t imagine your life has been up to much without my furry excellence in it.

The thing is, the huminion that I thought was well trained, turned out to be untrained and untamed and basically a foul huminion. She ripped me from my dominion and the lovely Margot next door. (The only huminion really worth acknowledging) and brought me to a place of evil.

I am the LORD OF ALL EVIL.

But this is a place full of more evil than even I could imagine.

The bad birdies are bigger than I am. And the cats in the neighbourhood are all gangsters. I am surrounded by the Catfia.

And they are gingerist.

I have been too traumatised to blog.

Instead I have written a song. The words for it anyway. I just need the huminion-who-shall-be-growled-at to provide me with a small drum so I can use my furry paw to beat out a tune.

I’ve called it “Hide Away”. It is a ballad to accompany the sadness of my new existence.

Birds seem to fly around

And tweet at anything

The ones who peck at me

Before I bite them back

Cats seem to scratch my eyes

And don’t appreciate

All the money and the time that it takes

To be checked out at the vets

Got my both eyes in for Furry Friends

Guessing I just don’t know where to find ’em

But I hope they all come out tonight

Meow!

Where do the good cats go to hide away, hide away?

I’m a good, good dog who needs a little company

Looking high and low, someone let me know

Where do the good cats go to hide away, hide away?

Birds seem to fly around

And eat all of my food

Crapping their shit across the deck: it really makes a smell

But I’d rather find a cat

Who is down for the nap

Putting in the time that it takes

To just ignore one another (Meow!)

To enjoy all of my heart’s demands

Food and beds with a soft cover

We’re gonna rule the world like overlords

Meow!

 

Where do the good cats go to hide away, hide away?

I’m a good, good dog who needs a little company

Looking high and low, someone let me know

Where do the good cats go to hide away, hide away?

Tell me where the good cats go

Tell me where the good cats go

Tell me where the good cats go

Won’t somebody tell me, tell me

Tell me where the good cats go

Tell me where the good cats go

Tell me where the good cats go

Tell me where the good cats go

(Meow!)

 

Where do the good cats go to hide away, hide away?

I’m a good, good dog who needs a little company

Looking high and low, someone let me know

Where do the good cats go to hide away, hide away?

(Meow!)

Hide away, hide away

Hide away, hide away

Looking high and low, someone let me know

Where do the good cats go to hide away, hide away?

(Meow!)

Moving, huh? And deep. Words from my soul. I hope you didn’t cry.

Some birds were eating out of my bowl again, so I’m going upstairs for a lie down. I tell you, huminions, I’m just traumatised!

Lord Oscarmort

 

Disclaimer

PS. Any passing similarity to any other song is pure coincidence and can’t be blamed on me. I am a dog.

Signed,

Lord Oscarmort

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1 Comment

  • Kat on 14th June 2016

    PMSL at this. *cough* I mean, well done Lord Oscarmort, another fine blog.

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