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Boganvillia

Homelife Crisis 1 Comment

So I was sitting there sipping my tea, catching up with what’s going on the in the world.  And by that, I mean I was looking at Facebook, because that is the actual news now, right?

Anyway, it’s flooded with pictures of fashionistas at the Melbourne Cup.  (Mrs Lynch: looking LOVELY!!) and then a link to a post by Danielle at Style for a Happy Home popped up.  It has great tips on pulling clothes together to make a look work for you.  But I realised that fashion feeds and style advice is lost on those of us that live in regional centres.  The rules here ARE DIFFERENT!!

You see, I live in Chav Central, which roughly translated into Australian is Downtown Bogansville: Bogansvillia.  So, I thought I’d pull together the rules for making an outfit work in this part of the world.  (Health warning: it might not make your home life happier, but you can come to Bogansvillia without standing out like a sore thumb).

Daywear

  • Onesie.  The name says it all – the one item you need.  The go anywhere, do anything garment. Similar to a jumpsuit, just not. What could be more comfortable for going about your business and doing a spot of shopping? Make sure it has a cute print pattern, such as monkeys or puppies, if you’re intending wearing it out.

Onesie

  • Bathrobe.  Another essential.  Wear it over your nighty when you’re out and about chatting to the neighbours, or to the mall when you need to grab some fags.  Particularly fetching in pink.

Bathrobe

  • Footwear. Furry bootees. They look fabulous, darling, teamed with the above. Just the other day, I saw someone in a grey-blue onesie, chatting with mates in the mall, and she was wearing leopard print. It really pulled the outfit together.

Slipper boots

Sportswear

Not really on the agenda, unless they’re having a 2 burgers for $1 special somewhere in town, and you need to get in quick before that greedy cow Shanelle eats them all, but if at a push, see below.

Eveningwear

Well, if your onesie happens to be in the wash, or it’s a particular dress up occasion, then a vest top and trackpants work really well.  Thongs (it’s OK Mother, I’m talking footwear, not knickers!) aka flip-flops, team really nicely with this attire.  If it’s a really special occasion, you might even stretch to a pair of runners.  But seriously, in Boganvillia, dress up occasions are few and far between.

Hairstyling

Boganvillia is full of hairdressing salons, and there are some good stylists around.  But somehow, their services are widely dispensed with in favour of the DIY look.  So, rather than sleek Courtney Cox cuts, the preference is for Courtney Love on a bad day.  Or better, slasher victim meets haystack.  Yes, my advice would be colour your hair to within an inch of its life and DON’T APPLY CONDITIONER.

Courtney Love bad hair day

So, now you’re ready for a trip to the wild side.  What will you be wearing?

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