About the author : I am a dog. I spend my days training my huminions, ridding the world of birdies 1 bite at a time and looking for blankets to lie on. My struggle is real.

10 Top Running Tips

Doodles, Boo & OscarMort, too No Comment

your puppy-cat wants you to know.

Hello Huminions.

I see my huminion has left the computer unattended.  This is good. It is time my bark were heard.  And I don’t mean to be rude, but you seem to be in need of advice, because from what I can see, you make life much more complicated than it needs to be.

I have been observing my huminions
I have been observing my huminions

My best trained huminion (it’s still a work in progress, and the going is pretty slow) likes to go outside to play.  It seems to involve wearing shiny fur in bright colours and I have to tell you, I really don’t understand why so many changes of fur are required by huminions – particularly just to go out to play!  There doesn’t appear to be any climbing trees in an attempt to get close enough to bite bad birdies, either, which is odd.  (In fact, I think huminions are not playing their part in my war against birdies, but that’s for another day).  Anyway, the huminion seems to like aimless running about.  I have been watching, and here are some things that huminions NEED to take onboard if you will insist on prancing about on 2 paws:

10. Avoid big furry beasts that aren’t adequately restrained.

I was running around in the bush behind my domain, looking for birdies to bite, when the huminion brought the bigger furry beast-dogs out to play.  Indoors, the furry beasts know their place and are docile, but I have found that if they are unleashed, they can become wild and feral.   So as soon as the furry beasts were free of their tether, the big grey one chased me in what felt like a very threatening way.  In my shock, I made the mistake of running, but then I remembered who is in charge round here. As soon as I turned round, looked the furry beast directly in the eye and hissed shouted at her to “go home“, she backed off.  This is how to deal with wild furry beasts.

Furry beasts know their place whilst indoors
Furry beasts know their place whilst indoors

10.  Run with friends

Whilst furry beasts can be a bit cray-cray when they are off the leash, it’s not to say that they aren’t fun to be around.  (They are great for duffing up, when you fancy a fight). I recommend finding a friend to get out and play with.  The time passes so much faster.  (If they won’t do your bidding, shouting loudly or beating them works well).

Playing with friends makes everything better

10. Speed is not important; fun is

Some of us are shorter legged dogs and that means we don’t run as fast as longer legged furry beasts.  Running fast is wonderful.  I’m sorry I don’t have a video clip of me leaping and darting through the bush to show you how good it is.  I am a sight to behold! (Though I say so myself: No point in false modesty).  But fast is defined by the legs you have.  Not some other furry beast.  Enjoy what your own legs can do, huminions.

10.  Rest is important

If you run around a lot, you will need more sleep.  Embrace it.  Ensure there are plenty of blankets in your home.  And you can never have enough cushions.  #Fact.

Don't underestimate the power of rest
Don’t underestimate the power of rest

10.  Buy Epsom Salts

Because at some point, if we over do it, even puppy-cats can feel a bit achey. And we have the sense to spread the load between 4 limbs; not like crazy huminions on just 2 paws. (Seriously – what’s with only 2 paws walking?)  So I have been exploring the benefits of epsom salt baths with my puppy-partners.  No actual data from them, but the huminion seems to rate it.

10.  Stretch

When was the last time you saw a dog-cat at the physio’s?  I bet you can’t remember.  And do you know why?  Because we stretch.  All the time.  You should too.

10.  Stay hydrated

It’s important to drink plenty of water when you are an active dog-cat, so make sure you have access to a plentiful supply of water.  This is my favourite way to stay hydrated.  What’s yours?


10.  Refuel after a run

When you’ve been out playing, (assuming you haven’t found any birdies to bite), you need to get plenty of food on board, otherwise your tummy will rumble and grumble.  Not a great feeling.  I know I mentioned my best trained huminion – well, we still have some defective behaviour.  Ideally you want some carbs and protein within 30 minutes of your session, and I expect my slave beloved person to have my meal waiting for me when I appear at the door.  If the huminion has been deficient, then I feel it’s acceptable to appropriate the furry beasts’ food.  After all, they’re lucky to have me as their leader.  The key here is to ensure the huminion who serves you is trained to have food ready… oh, you are huminion – well, prepare your snacks before you go out, I suppose.

10.  Sleep

Did I mention sleeping?  Sleeping is a very important part of my day.   I like sleeping.  Sleeping is good for resting after strenuous activity.  {YAAAWWWNNNNN}. Proddling keyboards with puppy paws is quite strenuous.  Hum.  I think I need a nap.  Nice chatting.



Lord OscarMort

Editor’s note:  Just found this article!   For clarification purposes –

  • Oscar is a cat, but he is convinced he is a dog.
  • Oscar is a cat, so he doesn’t understand numbers and he can’t count.
  • Oscar is a cat.  He is NOT in charge. (All the time).

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